6 December …

Well, I’ve been a widow for a bit over two weeks.  I am gradually piecing “me” back together as I start the third part of my life.

One thing I learned for sure is that all the ideas, thoughts, assumptions, hopes, desires, anticipations, plans, etc. I had for this time in my life were all wrong, misleading, useless and that “off” days will catch you unaware.

I also learned that there is joy and laughter even in the hard times.

Case in point … one evening a couple of days after George died, Paul (who is nearly six) was doing his “homework” of reading to an adult before bedtime.  He was reading the children’s book “Are You My Mother?” in which a baby bird, whose mother has gone shopping, goes looking for her asking various animals if they are his mother with obvious results (i.e. “I can’t be your mother. I’m a cow.”). Paul reached the place where the baby bird asks a steam shovel which replies with a snort and Paul put everything he had into that reply …

*** SNORT !!!  ***

He then looked up at all of us and said “Well, that would have woke Papa up if he were still here.”

~~~

Both Mikayla and Tyler were here from New York.  Tyler took this picture while he was here.

Mikayla left last thursday and Tyler on friday. 

That meant the entire family was here with George for those last days and each got time alone with him.

It was great having them here, in spite of the reason, and I look forward to summer when we will see them again.

~~~

We have reached the time of the year when school kids leave home in the dark and return in the dark.  I remember those days very clearly from all those many years ago.  I worked weekend nights and so slept weekend days.  That meant for a few weeks each year I didn’t see the boys in daylight.

Oh well …

Fortunately, this is also the time of year for the most holidays  and “No School” days, so Paul spends more time at home.

The tree went up last week and the living room is now colourful.  George and I had reached the point of a small tree up on a table.  But there is once again a child in the house so this year it is a seven footer on the floor with a roundabout train.

~~~

Sunday morning was the first more-than-passing snow. There were still patches on the firewood at nightfall.

~~~

My first day away from the house (“to air off the stink” as per my Grandmother Tyler) in nearly six weeks was yesterday.  I went to Medford with John and Mike. 

It was a mixed day.

I got my sewing machine back from the repair shop so I will be able to make a pinafore for Brenda (Kamille’s teaching aide doll) and get started on the dream pillows for holiday gifts.

The hard part was saying goodbye to Jeff, the server at Sizzler in Medford who has been taking care of George and me each month for nearly four years on days when we went to the retinologist.  George always liked going to Sizzler for the salad bar.  Without him, I doubt I will be going there again.

I did enjoy the trip.  Watching the seasons change … the madrone trunks are now bare, even of shreds of old bark, and a light red-beige in colour … and there was hoar frost on trees, bushes, and rooftops all the way into Ashland.

~~~

Things are moving forward … slowly.  I am not yet ready to talk with folks.  I still cry too easily.  Even answering cards and emails is difficult.  But that too shall pass. 

 

 

How lucky I am to have [had] something that makes saying goodbye so hard. ― A.A. Milne

 

 

So … ‘til next week …